Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?
Probably there are short moments of helplessness pretty much every other day but they don’t get that bad and usually just ‘reset’-ing my mind takes care of them. Yesterday I came home to find that my fridge decided to shop working… I didn’t know what to do except to press “reset” button on the damn thing. So far , so good, it’s back to normal.
The worst case of helplessness was back in December 2009. After about half a year of almost daily yelling at each other, my ex moved out. I didn’t know what to do. Or what to feel. Or whom to tell. I just drowned in the pain, completely shutting off until finally admitting my ‘defeat’ in marriage. A whirl-windy of feelings followed and what seemed peaceful weeks ended in yet another huge fight…although he wasn’t living with me anymore. It took a year for me put an end to it and call my lawyer to end the marriage.
I still believe it was the best thing I did for myself. Everything about 2010 changed me but I also learned so much. Most importantly though, I know that the feeling of helplessness can go away as soon as we take a small step in ANY direction.